Marg Lange – Part 1

SUMMARY: In this episode, we delve into the significance of genuine connections and engagement in both business and personal interactions. We explore the impact of social media on our need for validation and how it has shaped our perception of success. Additionally, we discuss the challenges faced by Gen Z in developing social skills and their cautious approach to online platforms.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Well, hello everyone, and welcome to a really interesting episode of Biz Bites.

I know it’s going to be interesting because I’m talking with someone who is all about connecting and that’s really what we’re trying to do in a podcast sense is we want to connect with you, the listener.

But Mark Lang has made a speciality out of really connecting with people in all sorts of ways.

So welcome to the podcast.

Thanks very much for having me.

So talk to me and I know we’ve had a little bit of a discussion off air and I guess I should point out as well.

I think we’ve we’ve kind of been in and around each other for some period of time, but we haven’t really sat down and had a proper conversation.

And I think we started talking before we hit the record button here.

And I know we’re going to continue where we picked up on some of that.

But if you wouldn’t mind just telling the audience, what does it mean when you say connecting?

When I say connecting, I mean it means it’s something that we do that is at a very deeper level like if if we’re networking for example, and somebody asks us what we do, that keeps the conversation very surface business level.

But when we’re connecting, it’s a whole different feeling of the way that you are communicating, interacting.

You actually are more likely to be a person more than your brand identity or your what you do for work, for example.

So I remember this time when somebody said to me, oh, what do you do?

And it was 6:30 in the morning, what do you do?

And I said, oh, it’s time say I do copy.

And they had no idea what to say next.

And so, but the point being is that when two humans come together, for true connection to happen, we need to get to the core desire of that person, which is to understand what what makes them tick.

Why do they get up and do what they do?

Why what, What’s their purpose?

And once we have that, we have a lot more context.

And to have context, we need to be present.

And unfortunately, when you’re networking, you’re not present because you’re thinking about yourself more than you know everybody else.

The other thing that I’d like to say about connection is that as a connector, because that’s what I identify with as a connector.

It’s a way of life.

It’s not.

It’s not like I decided that one day I’m going to, yeah, I’m going to become a connector.

Look, you can.

You can be taught how to become a connector, but most connectors are born connectors.

They’re just naturally gifted with people.

So I I think real connection starts when we start from a premise that we, as I said the other day on a live audio event, Look it doesn’t matter if you’re King Charles or a homeless woman on the street, we’re still picking our nose and fart when no one’s looking, right.

So it’s it’s we’re we’re human 1st.

And I think if we can remember what it is to be human and show up as humans beings not the wings, we will find a way to connect on A and have conversations.

You know, Anthony, how many times have you gone and you’ve had a conversation with someone and they’ve gone?

I’m so glad we had.

We had this conversation because if we hadn’t, I…

dot dot.

So for me, for me, real, authentic, authentic connection is all about taking all those labels off and stripping it back to the core of who you are and and coming together at that level is what I’d say about connection.

I I I love that and it and it’s funny you say that.

So yesterday I had a meeting with someone that was introduced to me by someone that I’ve got to know for the past couple of years quite well.

And he said you’ve got to talk to so and so and so we exchanged emails and we’d slotted in a 15 minute opportunity to talk.

I think that lasted for 45 minutes on the phone yesterday.

And I, you know, wasn’t sure what he was after from from me and and things.

And we talked about a few things.

But it became very, apparent very early on to me that he was at a stage in his business where he probably couldn’t afford any external services.

And that’s fine.

And most people, I think, hang up the phone at that point.

And my business coach probably would have told me, what are you doing?

He’s not a priority call, you know, push him to the side and things.

But I I like the guy.

I wanted to connect with him and offer and offer some value to him.

And we, we had the conversation going and I got to the end of the conversation and I thought, you know what?

In my mind, it could be six months.

It could be 12 months, it could be two years.

At some point he’s going to come back and want to be a client because I feel as though we connected and and that’s an interesting thing that you feel that.

So shortly before we came online today to record this podcast, I received an amazing e-mail from him going out of his way to thank me and listing all of the wonderful points that I’d raised that we’re going to help him and that he was going to action and saying I can’t wait to do business with you.

It’s going to be a little while, but I will definitely do business with you now.

It just kind of made the differences to your point is that on the sales call and it wasn’t a sales call or a priority call or whatever the language is that you wanted to call it.

Every Bible would have been telling you to hang up after a few minutes because it was very clear that that’s not, it was not going to go to a sales call.

But yet, as I said, I feel like that and I and and and I’ve had so many experiences of that, you know, recently the, the, the last, I think 4 clients that I’ve picked up have taken in some cases months or even a year or two before that of of building a relationship in lots of different ways to finally get them to the point where they’re doing that.

And I feel like that is a lost art.

And the flip side of that also to yesterday, I was invited and I won’t say which networking group.

I was invited to a networking group and I sat there, which felt like hours.

It was probably only about 15 minutes, but it felt like hours going through everybody’s, whatever they were 30 seconds, one minute bits that they tell you and honestly got to the end of it and gone.

Yeah, couldn’t remember a single one of them.

It was just and I know some of the people that are in there, so I kind of it does sort of you you glaze the eyes over a little bit with that stuff and it’s amazing how much that exists in that networking environment and how that art of connecting with people is just lost.

And it’s a pity.

Do you know, Anthony, there’s a lot in there that I was seeing there nodding away as you’re speaking.

And the first, the first thought that came to mind is to know me is to feel me and you and and to know me.

To know me it’s it’s like for me to know me is to for me to trust you.

You’ve got to feel and get me and really connect at that deep level.

Now you did something really interesting that most people don’t realise that they do.

And this is what business coaches don’t get, is that you were attached to any outcome.

And so when you’re not attached to any outcome, did you know that a different version of you shows up the more authentic you shows up and the fact is, is that you’ve got, you’ve got a beautiful e-mail in reply that that made your day.

So that that is, you know when when you think of outcomes and results, it’s not always about what’s in your bank.

Often, sometimes we get things that build your Bank of well-being, your bank, your social capital bank, your, you know, someone goes, oh, you know, you really need to speak to Anthony, that is the social capital bank.

But your well-being bank is just as important as your bank account.

And the other thing that really came to mind is the fact that when you were talking about, you went and you weren’t really listening to all those pictures you turned off.

Isn’t that interesting that when you aren’t in sales mode, you position yourself as the choice because you’re so unattached, because you’re more curious, you’re more interested.

It was 15 minutes, went for 45 minutes.

It was obvious that he didn’t have the money yet.

Yet not now.

Just so you know, like you know the amount of you know he’s just someone you’ll nurture.

He’s still in the pipeline and he’s now given you a indication he’s he’s putting out the feelers for saying I want to do something down track.

How good is that?

Effortless.

Not feeling like you have to do some slimy sales script clothes like, you know, And the other thing is that, you know, I was just laughing to myself.

We know.

We both know this person, right?

We’re not going to name that just in case you’re listening.

But this same person has done this to two people I know.

And this person will reach out to see how you are.

And then when you tell them you’re not doing well, that person will give you a calendar link to book a call.

What, like, is that what we’re coming to like?

So I’m not doing well.

So I have to book into your time schedule because you’re so ******* busy.

And then it’s a scheduled call for so many minutes.

What what do I have to keep my connection to a certain time slot like?

This is where I think it’s quite funny, where people often say, yeah, I’m really good at connecting, I build relationships and this specifically person has just sent.

I don’t know if I should say this, but it’s just sent a Christmas card to the wrong address me with the wrong company name on it, and oh, you know what I mean.

And this is a person supposed to be person supposed to be freaking or standing intentional connection.

And I’m like, whoa, OK, like, you got to you got to walk a talk.

And it’s a bit embarrassing when people sit there and go, you know, I’m good.

I’m not.

I’m good at building relationships.

And then you see the cracks and people today because we’re online and we check out everybody, we know more about them often than they know about themselves.

So before we even have that first conversation and this is where I just, I love the fact Anthony that you and I met in a pod and that pod was to grow our LinkedIn exposure and we had the choice of using AI and and not using AI and I never used AI in the comments because it’s seriously we have to rely on Chachi PT to write our own comment in response which is just a matching and mirroring comment of oh I agree with you blah blah blah blah blah.

And I just have fun with it.

Now I just, you know, go so tell me more and nothing comes back and So what it does.

It’s very interesting, isn’t it?

That Because it’s the whole idea of when you’re on LinkedIn and you’re trying to connect with someone is that you start a comment.

And OK, sometimes it is just a comment, but the majority of the time it should be the start of a conversation.

And almost never do people read their notifications when someone has commented on their comment.

So we always I, you know I I always make sure that when someone comments on one of my posts sometimes it’s just a thank you because there’s not much more that you can say.

But often there are little things exactly as you said, the equivalent of a tell me more and I’ve done the, the, the, the interesting ones where here we are.

We’re talking on the on the podcast and I’ve said to people I’d love to have you on the podcast and just not a yes or a no or a no.

They just haven’t.

They’ve never seen it.

They don’t, they don’t look.

And I find that it’s just we’ve hidden behind this kind of rudeness.

Imagine being standing in the room with someone face to face and you say, and if I imagine if I’m standing, here we are and we’re in a barbecue and there’s a few people around And I say, oh, Mark, I’d love to have you on the podcast.

And you just looked at me and said nothing, like just didn’t even just you couldn’t do that.

Why is it OK to do that in these kinds of environments?

And I I feel like, you know, we’ve we’ve talked about events and things.

And I think that’s the classic I was, you know, in this discussion the other day about it that the the truth is, is when you’re on somewhere like LinkedIn and other social media environments and you invite people to an event, you will get hundreds, if not sometimes thousands of people saying that they will attend.

The truth is, if you get 10 people out of 1000 that actually show up, it’s a minor miracle.

So why would you put your hand up to go if you are not going to go?

I don’t understand it.

I mean, imagine if the, you know, Robbie Williams was out here recently.

I mean, imagine if we all just put up a hand and said yes, we’ll all have a ticket and then, you know, there’s only 10,000 people that show up instead of the 2 million people that put up their hand.

Robbie wouldn’t be too happy and we wouldn’t, you know, you wouldn’t fill a stadium and it wouldn’t be expected.

I don’t understand the logic that we have and this this idea of of you know it.

I love how you use the term connection.

But the truth is, is most people that they don’t understand that terminology that they have people come and say, oh I’ve got this many connections you don’t really you don’t really know those people and I find it ever surprising.

You know we’re talking about LinkedIn that whenever we whenever I connect and I get my team to help me.

So I’m not hiding behind that.

When reaching out to people on LinkedIn always offer the opportunity of one of two or three ways of which we can have a conversate an actual conversation and that and do you know that I think it’s less than 20% of those people that’s that you reach out to in that way bother to respond let alone do anything.

It’s it’s the the numbers are alarming that you that to to get through to to actual people and have that and I think that we have lost that art form of truly connecting and those that can succeed.

And the reason we’re talking today is because you and I connected some time ago we had a more recent opportunity to re engage with one another and that’s the reason we’re sitting down and having this you know in depth conversation today and do you know true.

Connection is also like true connection.

I mentioned this, Anthony, do you know, have you ever been to the airport and you’re reading the lounge?

And then someone you haven’t seen for three years walks by and you go, Oh my God, such and such fancy.

Well, you.

Want to?

Hear too, and it’s like you’ve never, ever lost touch.

That’s connection.

So, so I that’s so funny that you say that in the past year I’ve got two of those experiences very similar.

So one I I went on a on a trip somewhere and I don’t want to give too many details away, but I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to this particular trip.

In fact, I was even questioning while I was got while I was going, and someone, someone close to me said there’ll be a reason why you’re going.

And the best thing about that trip was I randomly met someone at the airport.

I was sitting there waiting for the flight and they come on as they do and make an announcement.

Flight’s been delayed by such and such minutes.

The guy sitting next to me was had his headphones on, was clearly enjoying the music and he suddenly took took his earphones off and he said to me, oh, was that about our flight?

I said yeah, yeah, yeah, and I explained what it is.

And anyway, he started talking.

We started he.

Should have said the wings on fire.

I should have, should have thought quicker.

It was early in the morning, so my my brains weren’t with me that well, but it was funny because that was the best thing that happened about that trip.

So he and I connected, truly connected and I and we summit, you know, we got into the usual what do you do and what And he was off there.

He was actually, he’s actually from the US and he’s introduced me to a bunch of different people.

He is the coolest guy that I’ve known for, for a while.

He’s very different to me and in a different sort of space.

But we’ve made this great connection and we’ve continued it, so much so that he’s coming back to Australia and we’re going to catch up.

But, but, but I also have a story.

I was recently in Brisbane for a conference and I’d organised to have dinner with someone who was attending the conference and we sat, we had a great meal and we’re having a terrific conversation.

Came to an end and we said OK, time to go and get the bill.

And I hear from behind me as we stood up.

Anthony and I turn around and it was a friend of mine that haven’t seen probably in three or four years.

It actually doesn’t live that far from me.

But our paths have not crossed and he was sitting on his own at the table.

He was there for business himself.

We spent the next half an hour sitting down and catching up and it was exactly like that as as if we hadn’t have you know, we you know it had been a you know 5 minutes since we last caught up because there’s a true connection there with with someone and and so you’re you’re absolutely spot on with that and we have those experiences but why aren’t we trying to engage more in in you know in business and day-to-day That’s where I I still don’t get it why why people don’t do.

OK, this is my theory.

So my theory is, is that we get some sort of an endorphin hit when we’ve gone.

Yes, we’ve got a comment, yes, we clicked on that, clicked on that.

I feel good about that.

I feel good about that.

My job is done.

So we have been trained and that.

And it’s actually I’ve read a book called Stolen Focus by Joanne.

Can’t remember his last name now.

Escaping me But the big tech over in Silicon Valley have studied the psychological effect of, you know, notifications.

And the idea is to try and keep as many eyeballs on the phone as possible.

So that’s why they they invented the buzz in your pocket, the buzz that you can hear, the volume of the buzz just to it’s it’s all about the phone and and and and they’re making those phones so they don’t last.

You have to buy the new one.

So it is actually looking at, you know, like a catalogue stock, getting rewarded for this feeling like how many times you sometimes you posted something, you’ve really laboured over it and you find yourself checking in notifications, obsessing over your notifications as opposed to not checking them just to keep going back to see how many people have liked or commented it.

And when you get this, Oh no, it can either be, Oh my God, I don’t OK this.

I thought they would get a lot more or you know, this is not going well or you get this, Oh my God, I just got 3 reposts.

And I actually, when I was doing a speaking gig for the Frags and Business Collective unit, I did the start because everybody gets up key night speakers.

I’m going to be different to every other keynote speaker.

I do things a bit differently.

I like to do the element of surprise.

So when they announce my name, Marg Lange come to, you know, please welcome Marg.

I put on Deborah, Deborah Harry’s ‘I’m going to get you’

You know that song.

I’m going to get you.

I’m going to get you.

I was going and I just kept my business card.

I’m going.

Good day, Marg.

I’m going, I’m going to get you.

I’m going to get you.

I’m going to get you.

I’m going to get the lead.

I’m going to get business going to get your business.

I’m going to get your number right.

This.

And so they’re all like shocked, right.

And and then I turn, then I go, then I’ve got my phone, I go, Oh my gosh, I’ve got to turn my turn this, you know, Spotify off.

I hope I don’t get any more Inter interruptions.

I’m going up to the podium and I’m not even looking at them.

I’m looking and going, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Just got to check my post on Facebook.

It’s all about credibility, right?

Oh, I’ve got so many followers on LinkedIn.

No leads.

Because that’s the ******** of it, really.

When you think about it, it’s like we get all hooked into these likes.

And you know, there’s a friend of mine who, you know, that person is teaching people how to earn the right to post your content.

You have to have.

You got to do at least 20 likes.

I didn’t know who’s, who’s the police, who makes up the number.

You should do 20 likes.

You’ve earned the right to post and comment.

And I’m like, this is what people are out there educating people how to be robotic.

And I am the complete opposite.

I’m like, I’m trying to say no, no, no, no, no.

Pick up the phone, have a conversation, go out there, go up to somebody and say do you know that you look like someone I know?

Or go and say like go to the supermarket and practice talking to a stranger about hellogs complex, whatever it is.

Get in the habit of actually going up and approaching a stranger and talking about anything and nothing for the sake of actually starting a conversation.

And it’s very interesting that I was just come across this article.

I’m going to find it and put on LinkedIn, mainly because I’m so fascinated.

Did you know, Anthony, this is how bad it’s gone?

Did you know that now there are training courses for Gen.

Z to teach them how to say hello when they come in the office instead of going straight to the computer stand, putting the computer on and go and headphones whatever and plugging themselves in.

They are the actual article said those words.

Courses to teach Gen.

Z how to say hello before starting work.

Now this is ridiculous.

We’ve got Gen.

Z.

They’re the loneliest generation on earth because they’ve been locked down during lockdown at the time they were they were having to do you know most of their social they missed out in schoolies.

They they wouldn’t they weren’t able to go and travel etcetera etcetera and coming back to Gen.

Z.

The interesting thing is though, I love Gen.

Z.

Do you know what I love Gen.

Z?

Because they caught the on everything.

They want to get back to the office, but they get back to the office.

They want to be valued, they want they want connection, but they just don’t know how to connect.

It’s it’s interesting because you know my even my daughter, she talks about dating apps she won’t get online.

She hates social media because she hates people knowing her movements and her business and everyone’s got an opinion on it.

Oh, don’t they?

Don’t they?

I hope you’ve been enjoying the conversation so far.

We look forward to bringing you Part 2 in the next episode of Bizbites.

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